Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Adventures of an e-Book Bookie, 3


A crap book is a crap book whether it is published electronically or traditionally (by that, I mean written in cuneiform on papyrus...) and the only way for a book to be not-crap is to work on it daily and rewrite rewrite rewrite. As writers we only have three options. We can: 1) Be Good 2) Get Good 3) Quit.

In case you want to quit and are feeling guilty about it here are fifty reasons why you should toss in the towel.
  1. I have enough money.
  2. I love my day job.
  3. Especially my boss!
  4. I’m going to be the best possible negative role model for my children by never following my dream of becoming a writer!
  5. Fraiser, Friends, Seinfeld, and Will and Grace reruns are just too compelling to miss.
  6. I have nothing to say: Fox News and talk radio covers everything with such depth, eloquence, insight and clarity.
  7. I’ll finish that short story right after this beer…
  8. Every book I read is just soooo good, I couldn’t possibly write as well.
  9. I need a nap, there’ll be time tomorrow.
  10. Life is such a long, drawn out affair. I’ll have plenty of time next year.
  11. There’s no one I grew up with interesting enough to write about.
  12. There’s no one in my family interesting enough to write about.
  13. I’d just be embarrassed to see my picture on the cover of a book.
  14. An advance for a novel would just screw up my taxes.
  15. Fluffy needs to go for a walk right now.
  16. I’m hungry and with my figure, missing a between-meal-snack would be catastrophic.
  17. I couldn’t possibly miss a moment of the 14 hour Superbowl pregame show.
  18. I’m afraid of failing.
  19. I’m afraid of succeeding.
  20. I’m afraid of trying.
  21. I’ll be retired in 20 years, then I’ll write my novel.
  22. No one ever dies suddenly and unexpectedly.
  23. I only have an hour free; you can’t accomplish anything in an hour.
  24. I’m not good enough.
  25. I’m too good; nobody will get me.
  26. I’m insignificant; no one cares about how I feel or what I think.
  27. What if I start a book and can’t finish it?
  28. What if I finish a book and can’t get it published?
  29. What if it gets published but never sells?
  30. What if it gets published, sells moderately well and I’m faced with the dilemma of quitting my job and following my lifelong dream?
  31. If I died tonight in my sleep I’d be more than satisfied with my legacy and my life’s contribution to society.
  32. If I got really famous, think how long my obituary would be; there wouldn’t be room for a Sudoku puzzle in the newspaper that day.
  33. I’d hate to publish a children’s book, my grandkids would always be bugging me to read it to them.
  34. I have no hopes or dreams.
  35. I have no ambition.
  36. I’m happy being a worker bee for Corporate America.
  37. I’ve never read a book that inspired me enough to try and write one.
  38. I’d never want to see my novel turned into a movie starring Denzel Washington.
  39. I’d be embarrassed if someone asked me for an autograph.
  40. Being interviewed by Charlie Rose would suck.
  41. Being interviewed on NPR would be terrible; who listens to that claptrap?
  42. I’ve got other interests to occupy me on the weekend: golf, knitting, fishing.
  43. My 25th high school reunion would be so awkward if I had a book on the New York Times bestseller list.
  44. I never see humor in anything.
  45. I just can’t empathize with fellow humans.
  46. I have no insights.
  47. I have absolutely nothing to contribute.
  48. I have no opinions.
  49. I see everything in black&white, there are no shades of gray.
  50. I’m too busy "marketing" my book. (ie: reading bullshit posts on Facebook, Twittering and working on my blog....)

That's it for me. I gotta go write something..


A conceited guy and girl are making love. She says, "Aren't I tight?"

He replies, "No, just full."


Rob works at the Farmhouse in Forestville. He used the layout of the Farmhouse's kitchen, dining room and gardens in his latest mystery novel TANTRIC ZOO. Check it out at: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/tantric-zoo/16169196


  1. I've used every excuse on the list except the class reunion.

  2. Funny stuff! I'm using excuse #7 right now...YIKES! I better get back to my WIP. :)

  3. Great 50 my friend! Write On!!! ha ha Dave AscensionForYou