Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Adventures of an e-Book Bookie, 10: "51 More Good Reasons to Quit Writing"


51 More Good Reasons to Quit Writing

Hiya, Hiya, Hiya.

Busy busy at the restaurant (www.farmhouseinn.com). I am also writing in my new mystery novel “Beautiful Lies” and trying to get my (rewritten and renamed) comic sci-fi novel “Teenaged Pussies From Outer Space: A Love Story” groomed and uploaded to Smashwords and Kindle. So I’m posting the remainder of my “101 Reasons to Give Up”:

  1. The government’s doing such a good job there’s no need for me to write an article or Op/Ed piece.
  2. The Budget, Global Warming and Immigration things will work out, there’s no need for me to write a letter to my Senator.
  3. This “Freedom of Speech” thing is way over rated.
  4. My self-knowledge is complete—why bother examining my motives and desires?
  5. My father was right; I’ll never amount to anything.
  6. I’m incapable of feeling joy.
  7. I never feel frustrated.
  8. Or confused.
  9. I know precisely why I was put on this earth.
  10. Every movie and book review I read is so right on.
  11. My thoughts on religion and spirituality haven’t evolved since 2nd grade: God is a man with a fluffy white beard sitting on a throne in the clouds. Nothing to write about there.
  12. There really isn’t any social injustice bad enough to get all excited about.
  13. You know, life really is fair.
  14. I really don’t have any issues with my parents that might be resolved by living through a fictional character I’d created.
  15. My marriage is perfect; no fodder there.
  16. My children are angels, that Irma Bombeck was a fault-finding bitch.
  17. Those Tea-Partiers are just so wacky and harmless!
  18. So are the Ku Klux Klan!
  19. I kind of like the way cops treat minorities.
  20. Who reads poetry anyway?
  21. I’ve never been divorced.
  22. Sex is always so satisfying.
  23. So is the singles scene!
  24. I’ve never attended a loved one’s funeral.
  25. My heart has never been broken.
  26. My broken heart has never been healed.
  27. My broken heart has healed.
  28. I’ve never been fired.
  29. I’ve loved every job I’ve ever had.
  30. I’ve never almost died in a near-miss accident.
  31. All my athletic ambitions worked out perfectly.
  32. This Date Rape stuff is blown way out of proportion.
  33. When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
  34. All this noise about personal growth is crap. I’m happy working 9 to 5.
  35. You know, I can’t recall ever being close to anyone with a drug problem.
  36. I enjoyed being raised Catholic!
  37. Interviewing famous people for articles is sooo blasé.
  38. Since the moment I said “I Do” I’ve never been attracted to anyone else.
  39. Today’s films are just so good, why bother writing a script?
  40. Hollywood would just screw me over and take all my money anyway. (Actually, this one is kind of true. Be careful.)
  41. I’d rather just go with the flow.
  42. My teenaged years were so easy and happy and idyllic. Nothing there.
  43. I feel no frustration with the direction that America’s taking in the 21st century.
  44. I’m kind of looking forward to caring for my aging parents, I mean, they changed my diapers, right?
  45. I’m not afraid of dying.
  46. This entire environmental hullabaloo will pass; I mean, the dinosaurs went extinct for a reason.
  47. Deficit? What Deficit?
  48. I just love surfing the Internet. It’s so edifying! Time spent writing would just cut into that.
  49. I can’t really see anything I write making a difference.
  50. I don’t have any skeletons in my closet to write about…
  51. You know, my life is just perfect.


Joke of the Day

How are women and boxers similar?

Neither go into action until they see a ring.

Bonus Joke

Why don’t heavyweight fighters have sex before a title fight?

Because they don’t like each other.


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