ADVENTURES OF AN E-BOOK BOOKIE, 10
51 More Good Reasons to Quit Writing
Hiya, Hiya, Hiya.
Busy busy at the restaurant (www.farmhouseinn.com). I am also writing in my new mystery novel “Beautiful Lies” and trying to get my (rewritten and renamed) comic sci-fi novel “Teenaged Pussies From Outer Space: A Love Story” groomed and uploaded to Smashwords and Kindle. So I’m posting the remainder of my “101 Reasons to Give Up”:
- The government’s doing such a good job there’s no need for me to write an article or Op/Ed piece.
- The Budget, Global Warming and Immigration things will work out, there’s no need for me to write a letter to my Senator.
- This “Freedom of Speech” thing is way over rated.
- My self-knowledge is complete—why bother examining my motives and desires?
- My father was right; I’ll never amount to anything.
- I’m incapable of feeling joy.
- I never feel frustrated.
- Or confused.
- I know precisely why I was put on this earth.
- Every movie and book review I read is so right on.
- My thoughts on religion and spirituality haven’t evolved since 2nd grade: God is a man with a fluffy white beard sitting on a throne in the clouds. Nothing to write about there.
- There really isn’t any social injustice bad enough to get all excited about.
- You know, life really is fair.
- I really don’t have any issues with my parents that might be resolved by living through a fictional character I’d created.
- My marriage is perfect; no fodder there.
- My children are angels, that Irma Bombeck was a fault-finding bitch.
- Those Tea-Partiers are just so wacky and harmless!
- So are the Ku Klux Klan!
- I kind of like the way cops treat minorities.
- Who reads poetry anyway?
- I’ve never been divorced.
- Sex is always so satisfying.
- So is the singles scene!
- I’ve never attended a loved one’s funeral.
- My heart has never been broken.
- My broken heart has never been healed.
- My broken heart has healed.
- I’ve never been fired.
- I’ve loved every job I’ve ever had.
- I’ve never almost died in a near-miss accident.
- All my athletic ambitions worked out perfectly.
- This Date Rape stuff is blown way out of proportion.
- When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
- All this noise about personal growth is crap. I’m happy working 9 to 5.
- You know, I can’t recall ever being close to anyone with a drug problem.
- I enjoyed being raised Catholic!
- Interviewing famous people for articles is sooo blasé.
- Since the moment I said “I Do” I’ve never been attracted to anyone else.
- Today’s films are just so good, why bother writing a script?
- Hollywood would just screw me over and take all my money anyway. (Actually, this one is kind of true. Be careful.)
- I’d rather just go with the flow.
- My teenaged years were so easy and happy and idyllic. Nothing there.
- I feel no frustration with the direction that America’s taking in the 21st century.
- I’m kind of looking forward to caring for my aging parents, I mean, they changed my diapers, right?
- I’m not afraid of dying.
- This entire environmental hullabaloo will pass; I mean, the dinosaurs went extinct for a reason.
- Deficit? What Deficit?
- I just love surfing the Internet. It’s so edifying! Time spent writing would just cut into that.
- I can’t really see anything I write making a difference.
- I don’t have any skeletons in my closet to write about…
- You know, my life is just perfect.
Joke of the Day
How are women and boxers similar?
Neither go into action until they see a ring.
Why don’t heavyweight fighters have sex before a title fight?
Because they don’t like each other.