A writer walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How’s the literary endeavors lately?” asks the bartender.
“Pretty good. I write six hours; every day.”
“Have you sold anything?”
“Yes. My television, my car, and my baseball card collection.”
***
Did you hear about the blond actress who was so stupid she moved to Hollywood and screwed a writer?
***
A writer returned home to see his house wrapped in police tape. “I live here,” he asked a cop, “what happened?”
“Your agent came over this afternoon, raped and murdered your wife and kidnapped your daughter.”
“Holy shit,” he said. “My agent came to my house?”
***
What type of writing pays the best?
Ransom notes.
***
A famous writer walks into a bar and orders five shots of tequila. “Problems buddy?”
“I’ve lost my writing ability. My last three books all suck.”
“They’re probably just as good as your first three,” says the bartender, “maybe your taste has improved.”
***
What’s the difference between an engineering major, a finance major, and an English major?
An engineering major says: How can we build it?
A finance major says: What will it cost?
An English major says: Would you like fries with that?
***
A writer walks into a bar and orders an ouzo. “How’s the writing game?” asks the bartender.
“Not too good, I sent an article to Reader’s Digest and it came back with a rejection slip.”
“What was the name of the article?”
The writer says, “I Fucked a Bear.”
“No wonder it got rejected. You have to improve the title.”
A month later the writer returns and orders an ouzo. “How’s the writing game?” asks the bartender.
“Not too good, I sent the article back into Reader’s Digest and it came back with a rejection slip.”
“What did you rename the article?”
“I Fucked a Bear for the FBI .”
“No wonder it got rejected again. You really have to improve the title.”
A month later the writer returns and orders an ouzo. “How’s the writing game?” asks the bartender.
“Pretty good. Reader’s Digest finally accepted my article.”
“So you took my advice and improved the name of the article?”
“Yep.”
“What did you change it to?”
“I Fucked a Bear for the FBI and Found Jesus.”
***
Heard any good (or bad) writer jokes? Add them here as a comment...
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